It’s that time of the university year – students are packing up to move
out of halls, leaving home to start university or leaving university after
their degree has finished. Summer is a time for change, and with change comes
leaving things behind. Friendships forged at home or at university can unfortunately
often be left behind by these changes.
Upon leaving my school friends after my A-Levels, I was concerned that
my well-formed friendships that I had slowly but surely developed over my
school years would come to an abrupt end. And the same can be said for those
leaving university – suddenly, your friends are scattered across the country,
from Dorset to Birmingham, from Kent to Bristol, and getting together regularly
becomes a daunting thought. How on earth are you going to stay in touch with
all of these people?
Of course, there’s the internet. Our generation has the fantastic
advantage of social media. We can keep track of what our friends are up to with
regular status updates and photo uploads on Facebook, snippets of their day on
Twitter, and even new job announcements on LinkedIn. We can know everything
about everyone we’ve ever met.
You can’t just rely on Facebook though. There’s an element of impersonality
to it, I feel. It’s not the same as finding out that your friend has a new job
or is moving to another country in person. No status update can compare to an
excited phone call, or even a leisurely Skype session with a cup of tea to
discuss life. Keeping in touch does
take effort – if you rely on the internet, or the odd text or Snapchat, you
won’t feel quite as close to that person anymore and, eventually, they risk
becoming just another acquaintance.
If you’re leaving university for good this summer in a bid to enter the
big wide world, or you’re embarking on higher education in September – or even
if you’re worried about keeping in touch with people over summer between
academic terms – I would urge you to make sure you meet up with these people as
much as possible, or dedicate time to a proper chat.
Myself and my friends Lou and Rob at Grad Ball in June 2012,
both of
whom I stay in contact with – Rob regularly visits Southampton
and we always
make a point of meeting
This means finding time to visit them, arranging a half-way point to have
dinner and have a catch up. Or putting a date in the diary for a lengthy phone
call. This doesn’t have to be regular – if they're friends from home, you could
meet up at least once every holiday. I’ve managed to keep in touch with some of
my friends from home over the last four years with regular trips to the pub for
a cider and a chat or a cheeky Chinese takeaway. It works. If you put the
effort in to see or talk to your friends, they’ll put the effort in to see and
talk to you.
This year, most of my university friends moved back home or away to
start work or further education elsewhere – I was launched into a different
experience here at Southampton, needing to forge new friendships which,
thankfully, went well! However, I haven’t had much trouble keeping in touch
with graduate friends; I have been able to chat to my old Southampton friends
regularly thanks to the wonders of Skype and Facebook. But, most importantly, I
have managed to meet up with some of them; those who live locally, or who still
come back to visit their old university haunts from time to time. I haven’t
been able to see as many of my friends as I would like, but I don’t feel like
I’ve lost any friendships. It’s been a joy to catch up with people to find out
how they’ve been doing!
My best friend from University, Lou, who was my flatmate for three
years (and who also shares my love for all things chocolate-covered), has been
studying for a PGCE in Reading this year. Although Reading is only forty minutes
away by train, I haven’t been able to see her as much as I have wanted. But I
do not feel like anything has changed – she came to visit for my birthday, and
I recently popped up for a day of shopping and catch-ups. Both times we were
able to start from where we’d left off. It felt like nothing had changed – and
that, to me, is the mark of a strong friendship. It doesn’t matter how much
time has passed, how much has changed, as soon as you’re back together you
don’t feel like you were ever apart. Lou is just one of many friends I am
fortunate enough to have this experience with and I am positive this is not
only down to the fact that we are close anyway (having been mistaken for
sisters in our first week as Fresher’s!) but we chat regularly, share jokes,
and make a point to find out what we’ve both been up to.
Lou and I on the Isle of Wight last year
It’s not always possible to chat to people so often. Sometimes you can
go months without hearing from someone. I must add that this is not the end of the world – just always
be open to meeting or chatting in the future. The door isn’t closed; it’s just
not possible to be in touch with everyone at the same time, all the time!
Someone told me that the friendships you make at university are the
ones you keep for life. I can see what they mean – I know I will be close to so
many people for the rest of my life. I have an excellent group of uni and home
friends, thanks to making sure we don’t let things fade.
My friend Lissie and I in January when she popped by for a quick dinner
and catch up
The university experience is mostly down to the friendships you make. I
find myself wanting to stay in Southampton for many years – but everything
changes when your friends leave. It’ll become a slightly different place –and
you’ll begin to miss the people more than anything. Friendships make university
what it is. So when you leave university for good, you won’t be leaving that
life behind… if you keep those friendships going.
I hope to remain friends with my nearest and dearest for many years to
come… as long as they feel the same way!
Joanne
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